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September 29th, 2004

05:48 pm - US Army Unit 1088th Eng Bn I know its been a while since ive updated but o well ive been busy. Well today was the last time I get to see Chris for atleast a yr and a half :(. He leaves in the morning to go meet up with his unit and go to Iraq within the next week. I got pretty upset today. Like I knew he was leaving but it didnt hit me until today when I actually had to say good bye. I hope it goes by fast and I hope he'll be ok. He promised me he will come home which i know he has no control over but it helps me feel better. Idk I feel like a little kid when it comes to this subject. Im just over come with emotions rite now. Ive decided that Im going to college to get my Ph.D in psychology even if that means giving up color guard at lsu and going to lc. I think that since Ive been through so much I mite as well turn it around and help other teens going through the same thing. You really do feel better when you know the person your talking to kinda knows how you feel.but newho i know thats kinda off the subject.but ya im just stressed with school college chris kyle dance and guard. o gosh guard thats a whole other subject. theres just so many new girls. lol. idk its going better then what i thought it would. OMG PYHSICS IS THE DEVIL!! who acres about pyhsics! y have it! jesus christ i hate it! i dont see when im ever going to use it other then to pull my GPA down rite now! anywayz well if anyone wants to talk y'all know my # or s/n or w.e love y'all kids! o ya the game fri nite is home and were tryin to get a bunch of people to go bowlin or something after just to hang out. let me know if u wanna comand yes DENHAM SPRINGS BEAT WOODLAWN 27 TO 21 we have a lot of hurt people now but we did win! mayb we'll have a chance fri nite MAYB! love ya kids!! Current Mood: stressed Current Music: World So Cold

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September 11th, 2004

06:55 pm - lalalala Hey kids! Well I thought Id write since Im bored waitin on Kyle Hardin to get here to go to a party. Dont ask me whats up with that cuz honestly I dont know. Were just hanging out. But ya this weekend Im stayin at morgans house cuz my parents went to canada! yay! lol Well the game fri nite, wut to say bout the game, it was sad! Way sadder then normal. really bad. we dropped the ball so many times and we couldnt catch! it was just a bad nite for us but on the up note i got to see my brittney!! she lied to me though :( she said she wasnt goin but she did, o well i got to see her so that was good o and larry too but who cares bout larry only brittney! jj i love u too larry!( but brittney more!) well im really bored so im gunna go watch tv, that kid better get here soon! love y'all kids!! Current Mood: nervous

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September 7th, 2004

08:36 pm - Guys... Well kids i have made a life changing decidion. No more joking round, Im ready for a relationship, Im tired of being lonely, im tired of games. No more. Im ready to hang out and have someone there for me who loves me for me and wants to be with me and only me. Idk i guess its just everyone talking about their boyfriends and seeing them and stuff they do and me not ebing able to say any of that. Who knows but yes Im ready to hang up my singleness towel. Itll be a yr in oct that ive been single. Yes Ive talked to people and had a stacker but thats not the same as a true bf. And no one being me any of that player or drama stuff! Id rather be single then have that. Well not much more to say except a week and 3 days til i get to see my angel Brittney o and i guess larry too, just picking i miss him too! But mostly my angel!! Current Mood: worried Current Music: brittney spears

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August 31st, 2004

09:00 pm - Baby!! Yes I wan the first to hear about the new baby coming! Im so excited for her! I get to be a god mother! YAY! And if its a girl they r namin her after me! How awesome. I love those kids! All I know is that kid better not be born on a fri sat or sun cuz then I wouldnt b able to b there cuz of guard. It needs to b born on a monday or wed so I can go to the hospital!! Well im still workin on plans to go visit britt!! Not much has been goin on other then that! O and Im very nervous about fri nite cuz the show is so not as clean as it needs to be and we havent done ANY stand rountines and the freshmen havent gotten boots or pom-poms!!! Im gunna have a heart attack b4 fri gets here!! Current Mood: nervous Current Music: All Falls Down

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August 30th, 2004

08:34 pm - One more thing! O ya and i love brittney and no one is gunna b an ass to her so if you have a problem with that stop being 2 faced and grow up!! Get over it, you never know when your last day will be and do you really want to be remembered as a 2 faced prick! And why waste the best yrs of your life acting like that! O well I dont understand people like that! W/e im not worried bout it cuz I know theres bigger things going on then that! Current Mood: grateful Current Music: Brittney Spears

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08:25 pm - LC!!!! Well not much has been going on at the high school, ya it sux! O well though I go get what I gotta do done then have fun with everyone who graduated already! Well me n Britt decided we needed some friend time so on sept 18 Im going up there for the weekend and were gunna go to the game and wear funny shirts with Larry's number on them and stuff!! GO WILDCATS!! If you have any suggestions on what should be on our shirts let me know! I cant wait I miss my angel and its been FOREVVVVVEEEERRRRRRRR since we've hung out! Its gunna b a blast and like the good ole days - a few people who suck! now! lol jj y'all know I love ya! It will b a much needed mini trip away from denham. i loev y'all guys here but sometimes you need a break from people and who better to spend it with then my angel britt!! Im so excited cuz Ill get to see Larry again too! Ill get to see him play too!! GO #49!!! Well other then that not much has gone on. O ya first game fri nite!! 7 at home!! Well love ya guys!! Current Mood: excited Current Music: Usher!!

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August 22nd, 2004

08:43 pm - Happy Birthday Ryan Well today has been really hard. Just for y'all who dont know or who forgot like most people today was Ryans 18th birthday. It hurts so much. Well I made a decision tonite, no more covering up. If Im hurting Im going to get it out. I cant hold it in anymore. Idk what to do but I know Im not wearing a mask anymore. It still hurts like it did that nite. I still feel like I should be in that hospital bed crying and screaming like I was that nite. I also feel like a total idiot because it shouldnt hurt this much anymore, should it? I shouldnt feel this way. I should still b hurting and missing him but not like this. I was told by my doctor that it would get better and that I will always miss him but it wont be this bad but it is. It wont go away. I have turned to drinking a lot to try to forget or cover it up but it doesnt go away. Idk what to do anymore. All I know is I cant keep going like this anymore. Something needs to happen soon. I would give my life to let him come back. To see him one more time, to say I love you one more time, to have him pick on me one more time, just one more. Only God knows why this had to happen to us. Ever since Ryans death everything has gone down hill. Our group of friends was pulled apart, depression came, addictitons, pain, and crying all the time. I want what we had rite b4 the wreck. Everyone happy, no fighting and one big group of friends. A lot of which dont even talk to me anymore. Honestly rite now I feel like dying, it hurts that much. Im not saying Im going to kill myself or anything, Im just saying. No matter what I write you cant understand how it hurts. I know its worse when my chest hurts and I cant breath like it felt when the wreck just happened. I cant close my eyes at nite without seeing it. I hear the sounds everyday, I relive it all the time. Im not saying y'all arent hurting or trying to make y'all think Im the only one who still hurts. Im just saying how I feel and what I go through everyday. I need to get this off my chest, Im tried of hiding it and trying to cover it up. Everyone thinks Im this lil happy go lucky girl, and I used to be that girl, 2 yrs ago that was changed and I have never been that person since. I want to be that person again soo bad but I know thats not going to happen. I just want the pain to go away. I want everything to go away. Its stupid but I still listen to his voice on my cd britt made me everyday. Ive listened to it about 50 times today. I dont want to live like this anymore, I cant. I wont. Something has to give. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Still Fly

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August 17th, 2004

09:15 pm - Hmm... Well today was ok. I duno nothing to exciting going on. Ive just been like blah. I duno Ive been I dont even know how to put it Im just tired of putting up with drama and Im not. Ive let every guy who has said he likes me or what that I not dealing with it. Im just not. Id much rather be single for the rest of my life then deal with any drama. Anywayz well Im bored and dont have much to say cuz of course like every good american Im watching the games! GO USA!! Current Mood: blah

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August 9th, 2004

08:15 pm - Back to School to Prove to Daddy Im Not A Fool!! Well today was the first day of school. I have pretty packed classes this yr. I have English Psychology Latin 2 Adv Math Physics and of course Color Guard. But I duno its weird being a sr but I guess its kewl. Im just ready to get this day over and done with. Not a big deal though. Im glad that I dont have classes with people who cause drama though. But ya i have a new crush and no dont ask who it is cuz u wont find out. Its a really new one so i dont even know if Ill do anything bout it. Im just kinda havin fun and hanging out for now. Being single and doing normal teenage sr. stuff. Its all good. Well I dont feel like writting in this anymore. Love ya guys and good luck to everyone going to collage and band camp this week! Have fun! Current Mood: content

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August 4th, 2004

02:37 pm - Ship Island!! Well friday were going to ship island! Were trying to get a big group to go so everyone is invited! Its about 5 mile off the coast of mississippi and we will prolly be leaveing my house at about 7 am and we will prolly get back at about 5. Its about $20 a person and its going to be a lot of fun. Its one of the prettiest island. IM me or give me a call if your coming. I need to know ASAP cuz we have to have spots on the boat and my mom is doing that tonite or tomorrow morning! Let me know if your coming and if your beinging someone! The more the better!! Current Mood: energetic

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August 3rd, 2004

10:09 pm - Hmmm... Well we got back from grand isle sunday. that was kewl. I had fun and im pretty sure everybody else did too. I did catch a fish though! the first time I went fishing too. Next mouth were going deep sea fishing! Its gunna be great! O and Cupcake is a magical fish that morgan gave CPR!! O well Ive gotten to send a lot of time With Cory this lately so thats good and much needed! O and Chris has been calling me a lot from Fort Hood. Which is really good cuz then I know everything is ok. Im glad he knows he can call me when he needs someone to talk to. Im glad thats going on.Well fri were goin to ship island til about 3 and if anyone wants to come let me know and Ill get you more details. Were trying to get a big group to go! It should be fun! Well Im going for now! P.S Just joking about the mood, I wanted to see what the lil blue guy would look like! Current Mood: horny

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July 29th, 2004

09:16 pm - Ummm... Well today was my last full day of DSHS band camp EVER!! Its sad but its also a good thing cuz that means a new chapter of my life will soon open. Well me morgan patrick danny blake blake jenn and who knows who else are all goin to Grand Isle this weekend! Ive never been but I heard it was kewl! The only bad thing is I have to miss KTs b-day sat(sry KT me n Dixie will make it up to you fri nite!!) HAPPY BIRTHDAY KT!! But anywayz omg today at band camp this freshmen was smartin off to me and I wanted to kill him. I was sick cuz I had thrown my guts up the nite b4 but I could still get out there and stand still when I was told and he cant when hes told a million times!!! He keeps cuttin corners and so I will hit him with my flag! I was given permission!! YES!! 20 pts for anna! I did hit a horn player who was worth 25 pts so Im in the lead rite now!! Well nothing really has been going on. Have fun everyone this weekend and be safe!! Current Mood: blah

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July 26th, 2004

09:19 pm - This one time at band camp... Well today was the first day of my last DSHS band camp. Its sad but its also a good thing. It means soon I will be opening a new chapter of my life which is a very good thing. Im so tired after today though! Ive had a long nap and Im fixin to go to sleep again! O and Ive decided bout this whole boyfriend thing that I dont even care anymore. Im just gunna hang out and have fun. W/e. Ive had like 3 or 4 guys ask me for my number this past weekend so Im just gunna see what happens from here on out. Its in their hands. What is meant to happen will if I try and stress over it or not. So Im not. Im young and I have a lot of time for all that so Im having my fun while I can. No more worries just parties!! Im going to grand isle this weekend with a bunch of friends so that should be fun and who knows what will happen! Its going to be CRAZY!! A bunch of teenagers with 2 adults in one hotel room! Pray for me pleaz!! LOL JJ. Just an update on Chris. I feel a lot better since Ive been able to talk to him. He called me again last nite just to talk and it was awesome to hear from him. I know hes safe and everything is ok but theres just something about hearing their voice that makes it better. I was upset when we got off cuz I want him to come home now and not in a yr. O ya incase I didnt mention it he has about 2 mths b4 he actually goes over seas then he will only be gone for a yr!! YAY!! Im very excited about that one. Current Mood: sleepy

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July 25th, 2004

01:37 pm - Shes Gone Country Well yesterday was my first day at the rodeo! It was awesome. No one cares there what you look like or anything. Its such a care free place. Well now Im going to be working for a rodeo company. Its gunna be fun. Well other then that I did meet a pretty cute cowboy, and not one of those wanna bes, a true cowboy. Hes a real bull rider! He does have a beautiful all black horse! He needs someone to barrel race it for him! He told me that I could start working with it at his house cuz he has a place to do all that stuff and so Im so excited cuz now i get to actually ride in the rodeo and not just watch it!! In other news my friend Chris who left fri called me last nite! He said he will only be across sea for about 12 mths so thats awesome. And every 6 mths they get a 15 day leave but he doesnt know yet if he'll take it or not. He can make more money if he doesnt but he doesnt want to go through having to tell everyone bye again which is very understandable. But we talked for about 30-45 min and it was much needed talk time. I miss him so much but hes doing good and hes excited that its not as hard as what he thought it would be and time will fly by. Hes coming home, I know he is. Well thanks to everyone who has been praying for him! Current Mood: bouncy

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July 22nd, 2004

11:05 pm - Its not good-bye... Well as most of y'all know Chris leaves in the morning. Well he came byt he house tonite to say bye but I wouldnt let him say bye. Its not good-bye its see ya later cuz hes coming home. Hes to strong and theres to many people who believe in him for him not to come home. Im just glad we got to spend the day together yesterday. It was much needed friend time. Im very greatful for it. When he came over he could only stay a few min. and he gave me the biggest hug and just told me he loved me and I better write him back and he'll see me when he gets home. I know hes coming home and hes a big boy and will be ok but its just the fact that when he gets home Ill be 19 or 20. We could both be totally different people. We will keep in touch and everything will be ok though. Its hard but we will both make it through, and I know everytime I hear If Tomorrow Never Comes I will be thinking of him. I will be praying for him all the time. If any of y'all are into that pleaz keep all our soldiers in your thoughts and prayers cuz you never realize how hard it is to let someone go until you have to do it yourself and hes not even my son. Hes just one of my best friends. I cant even imange what his mom is going through right now. His whole family will be in my prayers. I love him so much hes always been there for me. Well Im going to bed! If you wanna do something to help keep my mind off this u know the #!! Current Mood: gloomy

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July 21st, 2004

12:43 am - Saying Good-bye... Well tonite was one of the last times I get to hang out with Chris for a long time. He leaves friday and tomorrow will be the last time to see him before he leaves. I wish i could have spent more time with him. Im going to miss him so much. He really is an angel sent from God to me. He has been a sweetheart from day one. I will miss him soo much. This is really hard for me to do because it reminds me of the time my dad left for Desert Storms for 2 yrs and that was pretty hard too. If any of y'all know him then y'all are very lcuky to know someone like him. Im so proud of him though for doing this. I know its hard for him. I told him Im not saying good-bye, Im just saying see ya later because he is coming home. If any of y'all are religious please pray for him and keep him and all the other soldiers in your prayers. I duno what I would do if something happened to him. He told me tonite that if something does happen he will always be up there watching over me. He played that song by Tim McGraw if tomorrow never comes and said thats his song to all his friends and of course I started bawling like a little baby. I tired not to in front of him and I did most of it when I got home. Gosh this is so hard for me to do. i dont want to say good-bye. I wont see him again until Im 19!! I could be a totally different person by then. I could look totally different. What if he doesnt realize its me when he sees me again. i would so cry. We did decide though that when he gets back were going down to new orleans to party the first week hes back! Itll be a good well worth it reunion! Well thats bout all i have to say rite now. Im crying to hard to really see the screen!! Current Mood: worried

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July 19th, 2004

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July 18th, 2004

06:27 pm - Life!! Well today was interesting. Josh totally went nuts on this thing. I understand he is hurt or w/e but come on. Now Jenn can really see who really cares for her because Danny has been there for her even when he was hurt by her being with Josh or w/e and now Josh is getting pissy about her with Danny. COME ON GET A LIFE!! Danny cares for her so much then Josh. If Josh cared a lot he would still be here to support her and not try to make her choose! If Jenn doesnt see how good Danny is to her then something is wrong with Jenn even though I love her very much! Danny would treat her like a queen. He treats girls the way they are suppost be treated by not lieing or with holding info!( Someone needs to learn from him) Anywayz in my life today was pretty hard too! I found out some info that was with held from me which that in the end hurt me really bad. Yes some of it is my fault but that still doesnt mean he didnt hurt me. Why is it when you think your finally gunna work everything out and not mess it up again he goes and messes it up for the last time. I hate guys!! Im ready to meet someone new and just move on. I will not let this hold me down. If he doesnt care, why should I? Im not going to waste anymore time then what I already have on him! He knows who he is too!! Im sry but no more! I will not let myself get hurt anymore and thats why when I go to bed tonite it will be the last time I express any feelings about this person and sitution. I just love how a guy can "love" a girl and thats his excuse for not liking you but he can cheat on her with you even though hes "in love" with her! I think its very funny how "in love" he is but yet is messing it all up by cheating or messing around or whatever he wants to call it!! Well Im done getting out my feelings for tonite!! Anna Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: Good Charlotte

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